Author Topic: Ask Santa ?  (Read 10012 times)

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Offline Recklessrob

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Ask Santa ?
« on: December 17 2006, 05:12:03 PM »
I got this in an e-mail and came up with a demented idea.
Post your questions for Santa, and anyone who wants can
post Santa's reply.  :evil;

Here's the e-mail for example:
Quote
Deer Santa,

     I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy all  yeer.

                                                      Yer Friend, Billy

 Dear Billy,

      Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawncare. How

 about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I'm giving your

 older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell.

                         Santa

 *****************************************************

 Dear Santa,

      I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is

 peace and joy in the world for everybody!

                         Love, Sarah

 Dear Sarah,

     Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

                          Santa

 ****************************************************

 Dear Santa,

      I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my

 mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.

                          Love, Teddy

 Dear Teddy,

     Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a

 hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your

 frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let

 me send you some Legos instead.

                          Santa

 ****************************************************

 Dear Santa,

      I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.

                        Love, Francis

 Dear Francis,

     Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays. I bet you're gay. I'll set you

 up with a Barbie.

                          Santa

 ****************************************************

 Dear Santa,

      I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.

                        Love, Susan

 Dear Susan,

      Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face

 when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of

 Scotch.

                          Santa

 ****************************************************

 Dear Santa,

      What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making

 toys?

                         Your friend, Thomas

 Dear Thomas,

      All the toys are made in China . I have a condo in Vegas where I spend

 most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself

 silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at

 the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.

                         Santa

 ****************************************************

Dear Santa,

      Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake,

 like in the song?

                       Love, Jessica

 Dear Jessica,

      Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.

                        Santa

 ****************************************************

 Dear Santa,

     I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE, PLEASE

 could I have one?

                        Love, Timmy

 Dear Timmy,

      That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.

                         Santa

 ****************************************************

 Dearest Santa,

     We don't have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our home?

                        Love, Marky

 Dear Mark,

     First stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass

 whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent

 apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman

 does, through your bedroom window.

                        Sweet dreams,

                       Santa

Rob

Offline TSM Girl

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Re: Ask Santa ?
« Reply #1 on: December 17 2006, 05:40:15 PM »
That is the one I sent ya right?  I thought it was funny as hell.
Donna

"Stupid people should NOT breed!"

Offline Top Speed

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Ask Santa ?
« Reply #2 on: December 17 2006, 06:28:02 PM »
Those are pretty good!!  lol
Champion Irons w/T&D roller rockers, TA-61 turbo, 206/206 Comp Cam,  57 lb/hr Siemens Injectors, 3000 stall PTC, PTE Plenum w/RJC Power Plate, 70 mm Accufab Throttle Body, RJC 325 Megacooler, TurboTweak 5.7/ Alky Control w/M1 methanol, 23 psig on the street, Puddn' Power engine, Borla Exhaust

Chris

Offline Be4u

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Ask Santa ?
« Reply #3 on: December 17 2006, 07:16:02 PM »
Funny. lol
Save the bumper fillers!
Move to Canadia!

Offline Dragonational

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Re: Ask Santa ?
« Reply #4 on: December 18 2006, 10:16:15 AM »
I will start then

Dear Santa, I want a new Turbo for Christmas.( and i have been to the north pole so if i dont get one im killin the deer) Thanks Harry.
i like burnouts they smell good

Offline TSM Girl

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Re: Ask Santa ?
« Reply #5 on: December 18 2006, 01:17:55 PM »
Quote from: "Dragonational @ Mon Dec 18, 2006 9:16 am"
I will start then

Dear Santa, I want a new Turbo for Christmas.( and i have been to the north pole so if i dont get one im killin the deer) Thanks Harry.



I have to learn not to drink something and read this board   :rofl; , I just spit Diet Coke all over my desk..... LMAO .
Donna

"Stupid people should NOT breed!"

Offline Be4u

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Ask Santa ?
« Reply #6 on: December 18 2006, 03:55:32 PM »
Dear Harry,

You made the same threat last year and you followed through. You dont have to fuck the deer to death to get my attention. No turbo for you!
Save the bumper fillers!
Move to Canadia!

Offline 87natty

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Ask Santa ?
« Reply #7 on: December 18 2006, 04:00:05 PM »
LMAO
My 1958 Mamiya can beat up whatever camera you just wasted your money on.

Offline TSM Girl

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Re: Ask Santa ?
« Reply #8 on: December 18 2006, 05:19:30 PM »
LMAO
Donna

"Stupid people should NOT breed!"

Offline Recklessrob

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Re: Ask Santa ?
« Reply #9 on: December 18 2006, 06:30:47 PM »
Quote from: "Dragonational @ Mon Dec 18, 2006 10:16 am"

Dear Santa, I want a new Turbo for Christmas.( and i have been to the north pole so if i dont get one im killin the deer) Thanks Harry.



Quote from: "Santa"

Dear Harry,
  I'm well aware of how you deviously plagarized the good name of "Dragonationai".
And you should be forewarned, that since you were last here we've gone high tech
with electronic counter measures and infared technology. In otherwords, you'll
be polar bear food before you can even get any where near my reindeer. A little
tool like you isn't even worthy of a Buick. You should drive a Honda. For Christmas
you're gettin' a subscription to "Import Tuner".

                                            Santa.
Rob

Offline Top Speed

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Ask Santa ?
« Reply #10 on: December 18 2006, 07:04:03 PM »
ROFLMAO!
Champion Irons w/T&D roller rockers, TA-61 turbo, 206/206 Comp Cam,  57 lb/hr Siemens Injectors, 3000 stall PTC, PTE Plenum w/RJC Power Plate, 70 mm Accufab Throttle Body, RJC 325 Megacooler, TurboTweak 5.7/ Alky Control w/M1 methanol, 23 psig on the street, Puddn' Power engine, Borla Exhaust

Chris

Offline TSM Girl

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Re: Ask Santa ?
« Reply #11 on: December 18 2006, 07:39:29 PM »
LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!  There I go again....
Donna

"Stupid people should NOT breed!"

Offline Recklessrob

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Re: Ask Santa ?
« Reply #12 on: December 18 2006, 10:14:29 PM »
Dear Santa,
  Since you haven't gotten me the georgous blonde nymphomaniac who
owns a liquor store (Thats well stocked with Jager) that I've been asking for
the last few years now. I've simplified my request so that it will allow for
redheads and brunettes as well. I would also like a set of "bling bling" headers
like Roberts, and a front mount intercooler.I promise to leave you some
beer and pretzels this year.
                Your Friend,
                                  Rob
Rob

Offline 87natty

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Ask Santa ?
« Reply #13 on: December 19 2006, 12:06:47 AM »
Dear Santa,

Morgane Dubled's supple ass and breasts may be injured if you try to stick her in my chimney. So instead, please leave her on the porch in a basket full of cigarettes and ring the doorbell.

Thanks for the mammories,

Brian
My 1958 Mamiya can beat up whatever camera you just wasted your money on.

Offline Be4u

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Ask Santa ?
« Reply #14 on: December 19 2006, 01:44:14 AM »
Dear RR,

Every year I get you a Blond that owns a liquor store but she never seems to make it to your house. We always party the night befor and I can never get her out of bed the next day.

WTF!?! You got a dual cock? Headers? You better give me more than beer and pretzles!
Save the bumper fillers!
Move to Canadia!

 

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