Brittish Humour

[Recklessrob]

This was in an e-mail that I got.

>These are genuine clips from British Council flat
tenants complaining to
>the Council about problems with their flats !!
There is a faintly
>lavatorial humour to it which I hope will offend
no-one.
>
>1) My bush is really overgrown round the front
and my back passage has
>fungus growing in it.
>2) He's got this huge tool that vibrates the
whole house and I just can't
>take it anymore.
>3) It's the dogs mess that I find hard to
swallow.
>4) I want some repairs done to my cooker as it
has backfired and burnt my
>knob off.
>5) I wish to complain that my father hurt his
ankle very badly when he put
>his foot in the hole in his back passage.
>6) And their 18 year old son is continually
banging his balls against my
>fence.
>7) I wish to report that tiles are missing from
the outside toilet roof. I
>think it was bad wind the other night that blew
them off.
> My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
>9) I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is
coming away from the wall.
>10) Will you please send someone to mend the
garden path. My wife tripped
>and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
>11) I request permission to remove my drawers in
the kitchen.
>12) 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling
plaster and 50% are plain
>filthy.
>
>13) I am still having problems with smoke in my
new drawers.
>
>14) The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the
children until it is
>cleared.
>15) Will you please send a man to look at my
water, it is a funny colour
>and not fit to drink.
>16) I want to complain about the farmer across
the road; every morning at
>6am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too
much for me.
>17) The man next door has a large erection in the
back garden, which is
>unsightly and dangerous.
>18) Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two
children and would like a third
>so please send someone round to do something
about it.
>19) I am a single woman living in a downstairs
flat and would you please do
>something about the noise made by the man on top
of me every night.
>20) Please send a man with the right tool to
finish the job and satisfy my
>wife. --- Dan
>
>
>
>~~~  * * *  ~~~
>
>Life is uncertain.
>
>Eat dessert first!!!!
>
>