The Official IHADAV8 Joke Thread!

[deathraider6996]

-_-

Sent while curing depression with boost.

[firebird_1252]

I'm still calling bs on the "LOL"

[daveismissing]

-_-

Sent while curing depression with boost.

deathraider is asian? squinting?

[Steve Wood]

An airplane was in serious trouble and was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but
only 4 parachutes.
The first passenger said: "I am Stephen Harper, the prime minister of Canada. The country needs
me to continue the work I’ve been doing. I can't afford to die." So he took the first parachute and
left the plane.

The second passenger said: "I am Justin Trudeau and I am the leader of the Liberal party, and the next prime minister of Canada. The country needs me to undo the damage that Harper has done to our Canadian values.” So he grabbed the parachute next to him and jumped.

The third passenger, a woman, said: "I am Pauline Marois, da premier hof Quebec. Da peoples of hour 'Belle Province' don'ts wants me to die beecause dey wants da French language to be law and have deir hown country." So she took the third parachute and jumped out of the plane.

The last two remaining passengers were a 90 year old decorated World War II veteran and a 10-year-old schoolgirl. The vet said "I have lived a full life, and served my country the best I could. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."

To which the little girl replied: "That’s OK sir, there are still two parachutes left. Although it was clearly written in English, that lady from Quebec took my schoolbag."
 

[daveismissing]

[daveismissing]

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

[daveismissing]

[deathraider6996]

-_-

Sent while curing depression with boost.

deathraider is asian? squinting?

Hey! Don't make fun of my Asian!
Lol
It was supposed to be - _ -  but without the spaces

Sent while curing depression with boost.

[daveismissing]

[daveismissing]

Man: What's the problem officer?

Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.

Man: No sir, I was going 65.

Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.)

Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.

Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!

Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.)

Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.

Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.

Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.

Man: Shut your mouth, woman!

Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way?

Wife: No, only when he's drunk.

[daveismissing]

[daveismissing]

[daveismissing]

[Steve Wood]

A Newfie was terribly overweight, so the doctor put her on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, then eat regularly again for 2 days then skip a day.
 Repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds."
When the Newfie returned, she shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 lbs.!
"Why, that's amazing", the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"
The Newfie nodded. "I'll tell you though, bye jaesuz, I t'aut I were going to drop dead on dat 'tird day."
"From the hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
"No, from the f------' skippin'."

[daveismissing]

I thought the key cleaner thing was funny, then I saw this: