The Official IHADAV8 Joke Thread!

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[tb3]

what did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor?
 
 
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"wheres my tractor?"
 
 
 

[turbobuickltd]

What is six inches long and didn't get sucked on Valentines Day?
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.Whitney Houston's crack pipe

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1998, Paderborn, Germany | Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated elephant, Stefan, 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let fly -- and suffocated  the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him like a dump truck full of mud.

"The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to theground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. "With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. "It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that happen."

[tb3]

I was in a pub on Saturday night. Had a few....then noticed two large women by the bar.

They both had strong accents so I asked, "Hey, are you two ladies from Scotland?"

One of them chirped: "It's WALES you friggin' idiot!"

So, I immediately apologized and said..., "Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"

That's the last thing I remember...

[gbsean]

Two blondes walk into a bar



no seriously they walked into the wall of the bar

[jkelley]

Bringing Home A Drunk

A guy was in a bar about as drunk as its possible to get.
 
A group of guys notice his condition and decide to be good Samaritans and
take him home.
 
First they stand him up to get to his wallet so they can find out where he
lives, but he keeps falling down. He fell down eight more times on the way
to the car, each time with a real thud.
 
After they get to his house, he falls down another four times getting him to
the door. His wife comes to the door, and one guy says, "We brought your
husband home."
 
The wife asks, "Where's his wheelchair?"

[Steve Wood]

I bought a house in N.O.

A couple of years later, I heard a car come down the drive and pull up in my carport.  I looked out and a guy came staggering out of the backseat and tried to come into the house...it was the guy I bought it from and he was drunker than Cooter Brown.  Sure glad I stopped them before they took off and left him there

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[Top Speed]

It's good to be the king!

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