The Official IHADAV8 Joke Thread!

[daveismissing]

[daveismissing]

I asked my grandfather for twenty dollars.

"Twenty dollars?!" he said. "For what?""To buy groceries," I told him."When I was a boy," my grandfather said. "My mama would give me one dollar, just one dollar, and I'd go to the store and come home with two loaves of bread, two sacks of potatoes, a carton of eggs, three bottles of milk, a can of coffee and a box of tea."He shrugged and paused."Times have changed and ya can't do that now," he told me. "Too many fuckin' security cameras."

[aminga]

 
               Seeking a weekend break from his campaign rallies, Donald Trump jetted to his yacht, which was docked off the coast of Italy. He invited Pope Francis and the press corps on board for a Saturday afternoon cruise.
 
               It was a rather windy day. The Pope's little hat, his zucchetto,was blown from his head and into the water. A crewman began lowering a boat to retrieve the zucchetto. Trump told the crewman not to bother.
 
               Trump climbed down the yacht's ladder, walked across the waves, picked up the zucchetto, walked back to the yacht and handed it to the Pope. The Pope and the press corps were amazed! Donald Trump could actually walk on water!
 
               Speculation immediately began as to how ABC, CNN, NBC,The Washington Post and New York Times would report this miraculous event to the rest of the world.The next morning the New York Times headline read . . . .DONALD TRUMP CAN'T SWIM!!!