The Official IHADAV8 Joke Thread!

[daveismissing]

[Steve Wood]

The liberals are asking us to give Obama time.
We agree...and think 25 to life would be
appropriate.
--Jay Leno


America needs Obama-care like Nancy ;
Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.
--Jay Leno


Q: Have you heard about McDonald's'
new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you
has to pay for it.
--Conan O'Brien


Q: What does Barack Obama call
lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser.
--Jay Leno


Q: What's the difference between
Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers,
and threats to society. The other is for housing
prisoners.
--David Letterman


Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were
on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it
started to sink, who would be saved?
A: America !
--Jimmy Fallon


Q: What's the difference between
Obama and his dog, Bo?
A: Bo has papers.
--Jimmy Kimmel


Q: What was the most positive result
of the "Cash for Clunkers" program?
A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper
stickers off the road.
--David Letterman

[jkelley]

     VERY  BRAVE MAN JOKES ---

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side. 

Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there..

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care. 

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing  machine will probably never be able to support you. 

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of  those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. 

If your dog  is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at  the front door, who do you let  in first ?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%..
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to!

[phil_long]

Love that one by jkelley

[daveismissing]

[daveismissing]

[daveismissing]

[Charlief1]

Did you happen to notice who sent that one in Dave?

[jkelley]

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?'

The other blonde turns and says Helloooooooooo, can you see Forida ??'



A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'




There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.




A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' 'HELLLOOOOOOO.. ....,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'!



A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says,'What's the story?'

He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'

She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'




Two blondes were going to Disneyland . They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT.

They started crying and turned around and went home.




A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.

Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'




A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.'

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and
... screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?

'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'

'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.

[jkelley]

All LIES!!!!

[SuperSix]

All LIES!!!!

[daveismissing]

docx? how curious,

[Charlief1]

All LIES!!!!

Kinda like a girl in highschool, huh? Stuffing the bra a little.

[daveismissing]

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis

This was so bad I need to share my pain

[daveismissing]