The Official IHADAV8 Joke Thread!

[Steve Wood]

I think we need to perform an exorcism to get Zap out of Strawdawg's brain.

I would be happy if you could get him out of my refrigerator

[Recklessrob]

That would require us to exercise him.  :flat;

A young cowboy from Wyoming goes off to college, but halfway through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money.  
 
He calls home. 'Dad,' he says, 'You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Laramie that will teach our dog, Ol' Blue, how to talk!'
'That's amazing,' his Dad says. 'How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?'

'Just send him down here with $1,000' the young cowboy says. 'I'll get him in the course.'

So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.
About two-thirds through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home. 'So how's Ol' Blue doing, son?,' his father asks.

'Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm,' he says, 'but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!'

'Read!'  says his father, 'No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?'
'Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class.'
 
The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk nor read. So he shoots the dog.

When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. 'Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!'

'Dad,'  the boy says, 'I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messin' around with that little redhead who lives in town?'

The father exclaimed, 'I hope you shot that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!'

'I sure did, Dad!'
'That's my boy!'

The kid went on to be a successful lawyer........ .

[Steve Wood]

Exercise him?  Could we send him to school where Ol' Blue went?  Be nice if he was leash broke.

[Recklessrob]

Exercise him?

[Zap]

So, when is someone going to post a joke?

[SuperSix]

So, when is someone going to post a joke?

Ok - I'll start.

[Top Speed]

Lol!  Good one!

[SuperSix]

[Zap]

The cat on his ass looks like the one that adopted me.

[Steve Wood]

The cat on his ass looks like the one that adapted me.

What are you now? :question;

[Wrecked Em]

Read this on the Opel GT board...

An armed hooded robber bursts into the Bank of Ireland in Cork and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door with the loot one brave Irish customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber's face.

The robber shoots the guy in the head without hesitation! He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him.

One of the tellers is looking straight at him and the robber walks over and calmly shoots him in the head also. Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor. 'Did anyone else see my face?' calls the robber.

There is a few moments silence then one elderly Irish gent, looking down, tentatively raises his hand and says:

'I think me wife may have caught a glimpse ...'

[Zap]

That musta been during Clinton's visit to Ireland.  :evil;

[Steve Wood]

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.
 

The priest asked 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano?
 

'Yes, Father, it is.'
 

'And who was the girl you were with?

 

'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.


'Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as
 well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?


'I cannot say.'
 

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?


'I'll never tell.


'Was it Nina Capelli?'


'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.

'Was it Cathy Piriano?

'My lips are sealed.


'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?
 

'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.
 

The priest sighed in fustration. 'You're very tight-lipped, and I admire
that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now
for 4 months. Now, you go and behave yourself.
 

Joey walked back to his pew, and his friend Franco slid over and
 

whispered, What'd you get?


'Four months vacation and five good leads.'

[TSM Girl]

A teacher walks into the room and says... "OK class todays word is DEFINITLY, can anyone use the word in a sentence."

Little Susie stands up and say "The sky is DEFINITLY blue."

The teacher says; "Not necisarrily Susie, it can be blue, gray, or black, but nice try."

Little Johnny is in the back of the room and is waving his hands back and forth.

The teacher says " Yes Johnny, What is it?"

Johnny says " I have a question."

OK lets hear it, says the teacher.

Johnny says "Do Farts have lumps?"

The teacher says, "Well no they don't."

Little Johnny says "Well then I DEFINITLY just shit my pants!!!"

[DCEPTCN]

OK class todays word is necisarrily, can anyone use the word in a sentence."

Probibly Zap.