Pollitcally Incorrect Jokes Destined to Offend Everyone !

[TSM Girl]

Anatomy of observation -

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy
class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery
table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started
the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2
important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted
by anything involving the human body." For an example, the Professor
pulled back the sheet,stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse,
withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing,"
he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several
minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the
dead body and licking on it. When everyone finished, the Professor
looked at them and said: "The second most important quality is
observation. I stuck in my middle finger and licked on my index finger.
Now learn to pay attention."
 :rofl;

[TSM Girl]

A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a truck. She wanted a fast little sports car so she could zip through traffic around town. He probably would have settled on any truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range. "Look," she said, "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 4 seconds. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me." So, for her birthday he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

Services will be at Downing funeral home on Monday. Due to the condition of the body, this will be a closed casket service.

Please send your donations to the "Think Before You Say Or Give Things to Your Wife Foundation."

[kma697]

:rofl;  :rofl;  :rofl;  You didn't lie.....you said you had a bunch of good ones!!!!! :rofl;  :rofl;  :rofl;

[TSM Girl]

One day a teacher had a taste test with her students. She picked a little boy to do the first test. She blindfolded him, put a Hershey kiss in his mouth and asked, "Do you know what it is?"

"No, I don't," said the little boy. "Okay, I'll give you a clue. It's the thing your daddy wants from your mommy before he goes to work.
Suddenly, a little girl at the back of the room yelled,
"Spit it out! It's a piece of Ass!"
 :rofl;

[Recklessrob]

WHY ITALIANS CAN'T BE PARAMEDICS

Vinny and Sal are out in the woods hunting when suddenly
Sal grabs his chest and falls to the ground.



He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his

head.


Vinny whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

He gasps to the operator, I think Sal is dead!

What should I do?"



  
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy and follow my instructions.

First, let's make sure he's dead."


There is a silence... and then a shot is heard.


 Vinny's voice comes back on the line,


"Okay, he's definitely dead  ... now what?"

[TSM Girl]

:rofl;   :snakeman:

[Recklessrob]

Cowboy:  "That your  dog?"

Zap:   "Yep."

Cowboy:  "Mind if I speak to him?"

Zap:  "The dog doesn't talk."

Cowboy:   "Hey dog, how's it going?"

Dog:   "Doin' all right."

Zap:  (Look of shock!)

Cowboy:  "Is this Virginian your owner?"  (Pointing at Zap...)

Dog:   "Yep."

Cowboy:  "How's he treating  you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day,  feeds me great food and   takes
me to the  lake once a week to play."

Zap: (Look of total  disbelief)

Cowboy:  "Mind if I talk to your  horse?"

Zap:  "The horse doesn't talk."  

Cowboy:  "Hey horse, how's it going?"

Horse:  "Cool."

Zap: (Extreme look of  shock!)

Cowboy:  "Is this your  owner?" (Pointing to Zap...)

Horse:   "Yep."

Cowboy:  "How's he treating you?"  

Horse:  "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me,  brushes me down
often and keeps me  in a lean-to to protect me from the weather."

Zap: (Look of  total amazement)

Cowboy:  "Mind if I talk to your  sheep?"

Zap:  "The sheep are liars."

[Recklessrob]

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving
an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally. The test features
an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make
a decision. Remember your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.

THE SITUATION:
You are in Miami, Florida . There is chaos all around you caused by a
hurricane with severe flooding. Th is is a flood of biblical proportions.
You are photo-journalist working for a major newspaper, caught in the
middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to
shoot career-making photos. There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 THE TEST
Suddenly you see a woman in the water. She is fighting for her life, trying
not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer and she looks familiar.
You suddenly realize it's Hillary Clinton! At the same time you notice that
the raging waters are about to take her under forever. You have two
options:
You can save the life of Hillary Clinton or you can shoot a dramatic
Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of one of the world's
most powerful women.
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 THE QUESTION:
 Here's the question, and please give an honest answer......
 
"Would you select high contrast color film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?"

[Top Speed]

Classic simplicity of black and white.  It's what Brian would do.....probabl y with some lighting effects of some sort.

[Wrecked Em]

I would pick color and zoom in real close to make sure and catch every detail of the facial expressions just before she goes under.

[Recklessrob]

Engine Trouble
Fifteen minutes into the flight from New York to Phoenix, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."

Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry, we can fly just fine on two engines."

An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another hour. But don't worry, we still have one engine left."

Sherry, a young blonde passenger turned to the man in the next seat and sighed, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"

[TSM Girl]

I would pick color and zoom in real close to make sure and catch every detail of the facial expressions just before she goes under.

 :rofl; I knew you would say something like that........tr ue, so true.

[Recklessrob]

A Blonde on horseback


 A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no
 lessons, nor prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse
 immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but
 the blonde begins to slide from the saddle.

 In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm
 grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down
 the horse's side anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its
 slipping rider.

 Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap a way
 from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become
 entangled in the stirrup; she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves
 as her head is struck against the ground over and over.
 As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away
 from unconsciousnes s when to her great fortune.....

Bryan, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.

 And you thought all they did was say Hello

[Top Speed]

LOL Bryan saved the day!!

[TSM Girl]

lol, good one!