Things learned at Ely, Bonneville and Stanley

[87natty]

Yup, it's about damn time. I think my brain is in enough of a state to remember a few things I've learned on this trip.

1. Ronnie James Dio is a bad mofo. HE is what was truly missing in Black Sabbath

2. Sylvan can be literally KILLED laughing, as he lost control of his car after one of Greg's jokes on a curvy at about 65 mph. Greg had to grab the wheel while Sylvan was in tears. Good times!

3. Never trust Mapquest.

4. Sylvan's Jackson is bad ass.

5. Booze really DOES hit you harder at 6,400 feet.

[DCEPTCN]

1. I seriously CANNOT ever remember laughing until tear were literally streaming down my face. At one point (while Greg was steering) I think I actually got a taste of something similar to auto-erotic asphyxiation! Good shit.

2. Jacksons are the baddest and the world would be better off if everyone just fessed up to it!

3. I have that Meat Lovers pizza in Holbrook as my primary suspect for the mudbutt and near vomiting....ju st the same, we drank more in less than a week than is consumed in all of Uzbekistan annually I think. I'll never forget Greg's description of the reeking cloud of alcohol potpourri that met him when I opened the door Sunday morning.

4. There apparently is vagina that is so nasty one wouldn't take it for free....let alone pay....let alone take a tour of the brothel *cough*Brian*cough*chickenshit*cough*

5......okay, I'll think of more.

[Racer X]

1. As the newly appointed Chairman of the "Steering" Committee, I was busy running my typical smack when I see us starting to drift to the right. I look over and my man Sylvan has released the steering wheel and had his head down gasping for air. It was at this point that I thought it would be a good idea to comandeer the car for a couple of miles whilst the pilot regained consciousness.

2. Buffalo Piss or whatever you call that (and it can not be called a drink) actually WILL make a mute for a good thirty minutes. I also discovered that drinking Tabasco and Whisky shooters hurts.... twice.

3. Jackson guitars are cool, but they need to make a bigger body on them so when I pose with them in a bed of salt it doesn't look like a violin.

4. In spite of warning Brian for several miles about the dangers of drinking at high altitudes, I am still unable to take my own advice. The next morning I wa sonly able to watch a breakfast plate get cold.

5. Any room occupied by Brian and Sylvan will never be the same after. The fumes that came wafting out of their room following TWO good nights of imbibing were enough of a hair of the dog for anyone to jump start a morning.

6. Hookers in small towns are usually fat and ugly. I swear that when the fake blonde bent over in front of me, I was honestly shocked that a cooter could be made out of the same material as the bottom of a dogs paw (and just as black).  

7. Arby's Roast Beef is a major food group amongst the Buickheads.

[87natty]

6. When Greg asks 'What would Uncle Ted do?,' he's not asking about Ted Bundy.

7. God, Guns & Rock and Roll by Ted Nugent is required reading for this course.

8. I think I was the only one not to puke.

9. Bonneville is actually made of salt. I confirmed this by shamelessly licking it and then later dropping a couple rocks in my beer.

10. A rental RWD Mercury can't do burnouts/power slides/anything on concrete, let alone in the salt.

11. Ruth is really the shit hole it was made out to be.

12. Greg has no issues flashing maids.

[Racer X]

8. Motel maids are better looking than hookers AND they don't charge an arm and a leg when they see your arm and a "leg".

9. Puking at 6400 feet is no different than puking at sea level.

[Recklessrob]

1. Ronnie James Dio is a bad mofo. HE is what was truly missing in Black Sabbath

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-3x900xjiU

[DCEPTCN]

Ruth is a fountain of inspiration and spiritual purity that the gods have disguised in just the right way so that meatheads like you don't get it.


Also, I DID NOT puke....as I said, I fell asleep on the shitter before I had the chance.


11 (?). Salad Fingers talks funny.

12. You can't actually *taste* cigarette ash in a beer as long as it is also contaminated with sweet, sweet speedsalt.

[87natty]

13. Racer X is a self proclaimed 'surf music degenerate' and has placed the Offspring on the alter of surf music as well.

14. Green chile is CURRENCY in New Mexico.

15. I'm not as Mexican as I thought. While having chile rellenos in NM, it came with a hollow pastry thing. I had to ask quietly ask Sylvan, 'What the fuck is that?'

16. Blake's as far superior to In N Out. And it pains me to say this.

17. Kachina dolls aren't as pricey as I thought they'd be.

18. The Denver airport is REALLY fucking long.

19. Turbos are allowed in carry-on luggage.

[DCEPTCN]

20. Guys who work in airports who are pussies will attempt to disguise it by asking, 'What kind of turbo?'.  :jerkit;  

21. Say it with me class, 'Sopapilla'.

22. *ONCE* in his life, Brian was the guy who had the least to drink and had to drive the beer run vehicle. (Jesus, I've got a problem)

23. Dead mice submerged in rubbing alcohol in a vodka bottle aren't -thus far- turning too many funky colors.

[87natty]

22. *ONCE* in his life, Brian was the guy who had the least to drink and had to drive the beer run vehicle. (Jesus, I've got a problem)

Yeah, power shifting an AWD Sub in the dead of the night in the middle of nowhere on dirt roads gave me hella chub. Reminded me of beer runs in Baja!  

[Racer X]

158. A better use of Tabasco would be eye drops.

[Recklessrob]

158. A better use of Tabasco would be eye drops.

I hear that nothing is better than mixing it with bourbon
to kill harmful parasites in your digestive tract...

[DCEPTCN]

158. A better use of Tabasco would be eye drops.

I hear that nothing is better than mixing it with bourbon
to kill harmful parasites in your digestive tract...

Pesky white bloodcells...p fft.

[Recklessrob]

They have Sylvan's cah ready again...

[TSM Girl]

lol, yeah, but it is missing the "Zap".