funny

[Turbogn86]

AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.

Date: 2010-09-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.. my girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan.. She had just bought me that Kimber Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].

After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb .... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).

;In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours, Semper Fi,

Alex

[TSM Girl]

Funny as hell! :supz:

[SuperSix]

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/

Lots of good stuff there.

[SuperSix]

:rofl;

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/buf/1984556046.html

STOP Waiting for Grandma to Die! 1987 Oldsmobile Cutlass Sierra
Date: 2010-10-02, 12:12AM EDT

STOP Waiting for your Grandma to die so you can have her car! Buy this one and have a real old-lady car of your own. Let's go over some of the details about this fine auto, which STARTS, RUNS, and DRIVES.

*1987 Cutlass Sierra

* 30,248 Original MILES. I know you've heard it a million times, but this car has really only been driven to church and the grocery store, and the cemetery-- Old people LOVE to go to the cemetery. It is believed that this car traveled as far as West Seneca for a funeral once.

*As an old lady car, this Olds had the privilege of getting ROUTINE MAINTENANCE. Most recently the car got new tires (whitewalls out of course!) and a new battery. The new tires could possibly have 1000 miles on them, which means that they are pretty new. It's also up to date on its inspections, shots and vaccines.

*The body is in DECENT SHAPE for a car that has lived through 23 Buffalo winters. The color is Navy Blue. There is rust at all of the wheel wells; some worse than others. There are some BATTLE SCARS on the body from lost fights with a white vinyl sided home, mostly on the passenger side.

*Grandma is NOT A SMOKER, and had no friends that smoked. Lets be honest here, most of her friends are dead anyways, which brings me to my next point:

*The passenger seat and back bench seat are virtually untouched. I sat in the back seat once or twice, probably for a trip to the cemetery.

*The trunk is large enough for at least two bodies. Dark Body color is good for late night trips to Niagara River.

*This vehicle comes with a 100% working AM RADIO, and a motorized (working) antenna. Don't forget to lower your antenna for Delta Sonic!

*FREE SNOWBRUSH WITH PURCHASE. AND if it seals the deal, a vintage Buffalo Bisons sunshade for the windshield.

**Nitty Gritty Stuff**
We will accept CASH ONLY. We are accepting other offers for this car.

    * Location: Buffalo (Elmwood)
    * it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

[DCEPTCN]

craigslist is akin to wifebucket.com in the sense that it sounds like a pretty good idea 'til one actually checks it out.