Be4u

[87natty]

Sit on the couch and tell us your issues. The shoutbox isn't too good these days, we got some people here now. I used to study psychology, so sit on my couch and have a beer and a cigarette. I have some gin too, and maybe a bottle of cabernet somewhere as well.

[Be4u]

Sit on the couch and tell us your issues. The shoutbox isn't too good these days, we got some people here now. I used to study psychology, so sit on my couch and have a beer and a cigarette. I have some gin too, and maybe a bottle of cabernet somewhere as well.

LoL, ok, you want me to get personal? I'll do it. In front of EVERYONE!?!?!  Fine.

I meet this girl. Tell her that I'm not someone that she wants to date. I'm pretty fucked up inside. I hate being touched, I hate being close to anyone, I'm cold hearted, I only care about one thing because anything else I care about matters to me but no one else cares that it kills me inside. So I just block it out and concentrate on my car.

On the flip side, I dont like to see women emotionally upset and I lideratly cannot handle a child being upset or hurt in ANY way. The woman could lose an arm and I'm like "get over it, shit happenes to everyone, dont let it ruin your life, time to move forward". I see a child upset and I cant look because I cant handle it.

Back to the girl I meet. Shes pretty cool. Has two kids. She lived a fucked up life because her family is almost as bad as mine. I totally understand her pain. So instead of just fucking her and sending her on her way I try helping her with her problems. She needs someone. I feel sorry for her. Her kids never had a roll modle or a dad to teach them to be good kids. They used to be a little wild without guidence their whole life. The mom had to let babysitters raise her kids while she worked, she gets no child support from the dead beat dad. You know how baby sitters are...they babysit...they dont teach. I spend tons of time without charging a dime so she can get her life on track. I even support her kids and pay extra money in bills to help her.

After 8 months of helping her what do I want in return? Nothing but to feel appreciated. I want her to say thank you. Thats it! Do I get a thank you? No. Never, not once. A couple of weeks ago I made a comment and said "Do you appreciate me helping you?" she simply said "yes". I dropped it. A few days ago I ask again..."yes" is all I get. Now I'm wondering...is she using me or has her past family life affected her so bad that she cant thank me? last night I asked her again. I get a yes but I tell her that I want her to tell me. She still doesnt say it. I ask why and she says that she does appreaciate the help but she says it in a weird tone. So we softly argue for a minute, and I tell her that I just want to feel appreciated, thats it. We go to bed. A little while after we wake up I let her know that it really bothers me that I help her out alot and she wont even say "thank you". Then I tell her that I think she's using me and she totally denies it. I point out that deep inside I need someone to make me feel good about what I'm doing. I need that personally. It helps me to feel good about myself. We start to softly argue again and I throw up all I do for her. I even bring up that she doesnt get child support and she dont even try to get it. Her excuse is that she cant find the dad. I let her know that she dont even try.

Well, the plot thickens. I get a phone call. The guy on the other end sets the phone down to talk to a customer...thi s chick gets on...I assume it's his wife. She starts talking about how hot the guy I was talking to is. She says that "when I leave my pants are all  wet and creamy". I say to her, "I cant belive your talking like that in front of your husband." Exact words. I dont remember what was said after that, probably becasue I'm thinking of something to say...I shoot back with "I'm jealous, you aint seen pics of me, if you did your opinion would change." Something like that.

Still awake?

Well. I get the guy back on the phone...we have "business" talk for a while. My girl heard the "jealous...pictures" that I told the girl when she was on the phone. The whole time I was talking to the guy my girl thought I was talking to some chick. She's thinkiing were talking about meeting up and shit. Suddenly my girl is moving out. She goes and gets a newspaper. I'm like shit! I just spent alot of money on you. You have a new car. Your leaving? I'm broke and in debt now and your going to leave me? I'm stressing the fuck out.

Shes bisexual and we have threesoms all the time. It's ok for that to happen but I talk shit to a stranger and shes leaving?!?!?! WTF? BTW, I'm not helping her becasue shes bi. EVERY girl I date must be bi or I wont date her.

So anyways, she wants to talk to my friend. I call him and let her do so. She drills him. Doesnt believe him. She takes a nap. She over reacted so much she wore herself out. When she wakes up she goes straight to the computer and researches her ex husband. She's going to try to get child support. She takes her kids to the school night where you neet and greet the teachers. She comes home and takes me to dinner at my favorite Mexican resturant. She makes an attempt to tell me "thank you" She FUCKING said THANK YOU!

I feel better but I'm definatly going to form a backup plan incase she does act like she's leaving again. The next time she wont be back. Fuck that!

My Buddy called back right b4 she went to the PTA or whatever...he tells her that I do alot for her and she wont find anyone that will do for her what I have. It definatly helped smooth the situation over. Do I owe him a thank you or does he owe me a sorry?

[sgrim]

Damn dude you gotta alot on your plate.  I know how you feel about family fucking with you.  I got an aunt that wants to KILL, literally, my mother and me.  Anyway thats a tough situation you are in.  I also know how you feel about someone ocassionally saying "THANK YOU" for all you do for them.  I am married with 2 kids my wife does not work and we have a nanny.  My son is like 3 kids by himself though (lol) exactly how I wanted him mean and ALL BOY.  Anyway I work hard to keep EVERYBODY happy around here and I just want a THANK YOU every now and then to feel appreciated.  I aint a drama queen or anything but just a pat on the back to keep me plugging when times get tough.  I love my family and die trying to support them but you have a different situation there.  Are you prepared to take on a new complete family?  Do you want a family of your own, I know you have a child, but I mean the whole Cleaver family thing wife and kids mortgage.  A ready made family works great for some folks, a good friend of mine married a woman with 2 teenage daughters and he LOVES it!  My uncle married a woman with 2 daughters and had a son togehter and loves it!  Different strokes for different folks I guess.  Guess you just need to search your "cold heart" (LOL) to see what you want.  

Bottom line if you are not already married MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY FIRST!!!!!  I am a firm believer in if you aint happy and nobody around you going to be happy.

Far as your buddy goes I'd say you owe him a Thanks sounds like he must be a good dude!!

[gordyzx9r]

Robert it does sound like your treading water to survive there, emotionally.  I'm not big into dealing with emotional issues and drama, I'd have let her go awhile ago if it was me.  I'd say your friend is looking out for you in what he views as your best interests, but only you can really decide what is best for you.  This relationship sounds like it is going to take alot of work.  I'm married, with a 3 year old daughter and one on the way next month.  My wife works (she out ranks me, go figure), and we also have a nanny since it's cheaper than daycare.

[DCEPTCN]

Robert, have a beer and take a deep breath.

First- I don't want to see you sell your GN. That sucks. If you sell it, sell it to someone you know that you can trust who will buy it for really cheap, enjoy it but not beat on it, and sell it back to you for the same price when you get back on your feet. I would do it for you, but after all I'm just some shmuck who you've never met. I made the above arrangement with an ex girlfriend once and the car never came back to me, so be careful.

Second- I do not know your girlfriend and can't judge her from afar......but, I think that this is worthy of mention: Often to get so much help from another and to feel so personally inadequate will give someone a lot of shame. Perhaps your girlfriend has difficulty thanking you because she feels it draws attention to her vulnerability. I know personally that I have a hard time thanking someone for the HUGE favors.

Third- I have read you saying you're all cold and hardassed a million times and I've never believed it. Never wanted to, either. You've always struck me as a more friendly and accessable guy than you give yourself credit for.....or maybe even realize. I would recommend that you embrace the duality.

Fourth- Maybe your girlfriend isn't as bi as you think she is? The jealousy that she exhibited may be a good thing- it might be indicative of her being increasingly attached to you---> WHICH TRANSLATES TO HER APPRECIATING YOU!! None of my business, but perhaps being monogamous for a while could strengthen your bond and make you both feel more like a team. I dunno, I talk out my ass a lot.

Shakespeare once said something to the effect of, 'All men can solve a problem save for he who has it' and our advice ultimately wont exactly change your life; but I would advise you to think long and hard about things. It seems our most important decisions in life are often the selfsame ones that we make in haste. Be careful.




.....or, say fuck it, get drunk and drive to the titty bar cranking Pantera- it's up to you.

[Top Speed]

Excellent analysis DCEPTCN!! :prayer:

[87natty]

Yup, Sylvan had some damn good points. As far as her not appreciating you, I think it's just hard for her to get attached and it's hard for her to say she's happy or in love or even a thank you now and then. Not to talk shit, but you're acting like a woman, but it's understandable . We all need some kind of praise now and then, and now you understand why women are always bitching for flowers and such. Little things go a long way.

So what I get from this is the two of you are a little fucked in the head, we all are deep down, some are just better at hiding it. You just to talk to her and put your heart on your sleeve and see what happens. She loves you, but she has trust issues, understandable due to her past. But she needs to learn to out it behind her and start trusting people again. She just doesn't want to be hurt, that's why she grilled your customer.

Doesn't sound too bad, if worse comes to worse, get a second job at at gas station or something to get you by. There's always a way out, it's just not always easy.

[Be4u]

keep posting y'all, I was going to comment but I'm reading into what y'all are saying. This is important to me and I appreciate your input.

[87natty]

Oh, and I think you're pissed off because you're opening yourself up, reluctantly, and she's not putting up her side of the bargain.

But she's unaware of any deal made, so now you have to step up and lay it down. That is of course of you intend on staying with her a while. How long you been with her?

Anyways, you have be let yourselves be vulnerable to each other, but not necessarily dependant. Maybe you'll scare her off talking to her, maybe she'll get closer to you. That's the risk you have to take, or you'll both keep hiding your true feelings, whether they are good or bad.