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Messages - jkelley
1
« on: April 13 2012, 09:51:34 AM »
Bringing Home A Drunk
A guy was in a bar about as drunk as its possible to get.
A group of guys notice his condition and decide to be good Samaritans and
take him home.
First they stand him up to get to his wallet so they can find out where he
lives, but he keeps falling down. He fell down eight more times on the way
to the car, each time with a real thud.
After they get to his house, he falls down another four times getting him to
the door. His wife comes to the door, and one guy says, "We brought your
husband home."
The wife asks, "Where's his wheelchair?"
3
« on: March 19 2012, 11:26:45 AM »
I have 35" Pro Comp Xtreme All Terrain on my 2001 LS 2500...No problems so far no road noise..Plenty of traction all year round
4
« on: January 26 2012, 02:53:37 PM »
All LIES!!!!
5
« on: January 25 2012, 11:04:59 AM »
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says Helloooooooooo, can you see Forida  ??' A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?' There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?' The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side. A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' 'HELLLOOOOOOO.. ....,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'! A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says,'What's the story?' He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?' Two blondes were going to Disneyland . They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and turned around and went home. A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!' A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and
... screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.
6
« on: January 24 2012, 11:12:33 AM »
VERY BRAVE MAN JOKES ---
How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there..
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.
Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.
What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.
If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first ?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%..
It's called a Wedding Cake.
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to!
7
« on: January 07 2012, 01:37:12 AM »
So after I got home tonight I grabbed several beers kissed the girlfriend told her I was headed out to the shop to work on the GN....She gave me that look  ,Even my English Bulldog (Porky) noticed the look and left with me "Smart Dog"....I went to looking over the car starting from the the front and I noticed hidden along the header panel was a wire bolted to a stud...I loosened it took my test light and touched it ot it and it was HOT..But the wire was black??...I notriced the Parking light had an wire but it was taped up and not connected to anything So I wired them together put a 20amp fuse into the fuse box hit the lights and "BAM!!"everything worked dashlights,tailights,parking lights...Guess the kid that owned it previously did some creative wiring....Rega rdless everything is working now except my driverside blinker which tommorow I can deal with and fix...I want to thank everyone that commented on my post and especially Steve Wood responding to my several several e-mails and walking me through it...Thanks again everyone Great Site!!! JK
8
« on: January 06 2012, 12:59:01 PM »
No I have not tried replacing the light switch yet.I have unplugged just about everything under the dash to rule out the problem..Im going to try and make a jumper between the orange and brown wire tonight after work I have Been checking under the dash for bare wires shorts pinched wires etc etc about to go crosseyed lol ...I called to see if any of the parts stores in OKC had a switch they would have to order the switch ...Thanks for the PDF
9
« on: January 06 2012, 09:26:30 AM »
This is Hard on a 6 3" 245LB 38 year old Fat man ...Im going to have to pull the driverside seat out to get under the dash....LOL
10
« on: January 05 2012, 02:41:02 PM »
I came across this wire while I was/still searching for a short...Can someone tell me what this is or its purpose?...It stick's out between my cluster and dash followed it and attaches to inside the cluster...Than ks!
11
« on: January 04 2012, 09:07:50 AM »
Thanks Phil!
12
« on: January 02 2012, 11:11:50 PM »
Yes wire nuts...I will follow it back and check for more rigged up wiring fix what I can ....Once I unwrapped all the black tape there are two wire nuts one on each side tied into the parking lights ...I will follow up if that corrects the problem
13
« on: January 02 2012, 10:17:45 PM »
Lol I wish...I just came in from tinkering with it more and found the previous owner has used wire nuts on the parking lights for some reason... "Shouldnt those be against the law by now"? (GRRRRR) ...I will start by unplugging the parking light connector tommorow..Befo re investing in a switch...
14
« on: January 02 2012, 08:47:10 PM »
I will start there tommorow stop off on the way home buy a new light switch ...If that doesnt work will start inspecting the wiring for the park lights and work my way to the the fuse box...Thanks again for your Help SW!
JK
15
« on: January 02 2012, 07:11:05 PM »
Ok so I did what you advised me to to do.... I Unplugged both connectors on the left side of the fuse box ....I plugged in the 4 with the 7 unplugged and I turned the light switch & the fuse blew...Then I unplugged the 4 and plugged in the 7 connector turned the light switch on and it blew ...Then hoping for some miracle it was fixed I plugged the both connectors in & the fuse blew....  (GREMLINS)
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